My Mum smiled ever so innocently at me. I can’t stay mad at her, it’s too much effort and I’m tired. Although what you did was self-centered and very uncalled for, I won’t hold on to it. I simply haven’t the energy right now.
Not the idea of my own, not that I’ve even considered it but family/friend’s weddings.
I staggered sleepily into the kitchen the other morning and found a pretty invitation lying on the side of the counter, upon closer inspection I discovered a relative whom I rarely see has formally invited my Mother, Sister and I to her wedding in Bristol. First of all, Bristol is miles away. Not a good start. Secondly, formal dress code. I’m not one for dressing up, it makes me feel uncomfortable. So what am I supposed to wear that I would feel relatively comfortable in but still look appealing? Thirdly, and this is the thing that worries me the most, socializing. After enduring a seemingly endless ceremony during which my IBS will serve me no favours, I will have to converse with the various nosy members of my family. I’m certainly not looking forward to it. I will assume the wallflower role and disappear to the bathroom when spotted. What a sad plan.
I’d like to begin by introducing not quite myself, but enough information that will allow a better understanding of this blog. I thought I’d share my thoughts, feelings etc. not in the hope that I will receive any sympathy or the like, but rather so you, as the reader, is safe in the knowledge that you are not as alone as you think, or as you’d like to be. I will disclose myself, gradually but it is not who I am that is important. It’s the choices I have made and will make that define me.
I’m still in my teenage years, I go to a public secondary school and I spend the vast time I have playing video games or listening to music – your average teenager you might suspect. However, the thing that separates me (and many others) from the rather animalistic youth of today is my anxiety. I don’t get out much (ugh how cliché). While my sociable friends are out making memories, fun days out and more friends, I am stuck in my home for the best part of the weekend and holidays when I’m not at school and making the occasional trip to my Dad’s house. It’s not a hard life, it’s terribly easy. Too easy. Lazing around is a popular past time though not exactly a productive way to spend your life I must say. But that is why it’s a struggle. Where you might find a small obstacle in the form of ordering food, I find it an almost impossible task. I can sit around and think for days whilst perhaps the more common teenager would fidget, become restless and proceed to get bored or distracted.
Going out frightens me. Even in the simplest of forms.